I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
