The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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