So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
