If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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