Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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