I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
