Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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