this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
