I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
third nipple confirmed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
