Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
