It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
