Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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