some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
