It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
