i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
