Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
