Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
