As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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