Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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