Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize