..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
