dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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