Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
