so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
