I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
