i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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