hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
