she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
