What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
