i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
