plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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