You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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