Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
