i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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