you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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