My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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