guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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