Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I party with great urgency now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
