Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
