i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
