Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
