C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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