Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need moral support for this bender
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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