i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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