I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
