The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
