I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
