I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
