i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
