He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
