so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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