I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
