u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
