We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
