Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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