I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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