i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
