This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
