I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
