Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
