I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to calm my uterus...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
