Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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