Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize