she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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