My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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