I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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