Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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