my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
