well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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