Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
