Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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