I never want to see another naked old woman again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
