If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
