You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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