I just cut my nipple shaving
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
