I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
