Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
