Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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