what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That reminds me...we need to get swords
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
