Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
